The Sum of All Fears

As parents, we all know the greatest fear that we carry from the moment our children are born.  The fear that something will happen to them and that they will be hurt or possibly the unspeakable.  Being the mother of a child who was born with heart defects, I learned this fear all too early.  I have hovered and coddled and all of the other things that us mothers do under the realm of "protection." I am constantly reminded (by people whom I excuse, due to their lack of understanding) that I must let Carter live and explore and be more strict on him.  Daily I try to remind myself all of the things that I said I "did NOT" want in a child, and attempt to raise him accordingly.  Also, let's not forget that my profession as a Marriage and Family Therapist who works with "at risk youth" to modify behavior, puts a lot of pressure on me to be perfect. With that said, tonight I was briefly faced with one of my greatest fears:


After treating ourselves to dinner at a local restaurant, we headed home with full bellies. Dain offered Carter a soft sugar mint that he had retrieved from the checkout and, like all children, Carter thought this was candy at its highest regard and went to ripping the paper and shoved it in his mouth like he does every time.  About halfway home, we heard Carter choking.  I panicked, yelling for Dain to pull over while ripping off my seat belt in an attempt to get into the back seat.  After being slung around (because Dain did exactly as instructed), the truck stopped....along with time.  I couldn't find anything in the dark.  I frantically grabbed and reached for the handle on the door, but couldn't find it! I was hollering Carter's name, expletives at the missing handle, and inside just praying that he would be ok.  Now, although we are not at a "call 911" point in the situation, I am a dramatic mother. Yeah, ok, I said it!! My name is Crystal and I am dramatic.  Us Southern Belles can't possibly have all this charm without a little drama. *and I digress*  Finally, I am able to open the door (I'm thinking the second "F" word did the trick) and I rushed to the back, snatching at everything.  It is at this point that you learn exactly how safe a 5-point harness system is for children.  If a raging "momma bear" can't get it off, then it will survive a crash. I feel as though I am fighing against a Sumo wrester while under the influence because NOTHING is working for me.  I finally get to Carter and sit him up while sternly patting and rubbing his back.  By this time his face is coming back to a deep red and he is starting to breathe at a more productive pace (unlike me who hasn't stopped to breathe since the beginning of all of this).  With tears streaming down his face, and gasping for air, he looks at Dain and says.....................




Can I have another piece of candy?